CW: This article contains discussions about suicide, mental illness, self-harm and other potentially distressing themes. Written for 10th September, World Suicide Prevention Day.
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When I was depressed, I did all the things that WebMD says depressed people should do. I went to therapy, I took my meds, I got some sunlight, I talked to my friends and mom, I meditated, I journaled. My journey was sprinkled with some sublime revelations that I thought would help me get better. And they did, and I am better. I have been, for over a year now. It took me that extra year after recovering to come to a place where I can openly discuss what I went through. So here is my list of five pieces of advice for suicidal people, from a former suicidal person.
The only criterion for recovery is being alive
Dead people don’t get better. Your brain is working overtime to remind you that (a) recovery is impossible or (b) you don’t deserve to recover (both of which are patently false). Whatever miniscule chance your mind convinces you that you have for recovery (and statistically, your odds of getting better are greater than that), being dead cuts it down to zero. Which brings me to my second point--
Any reason to stay alive is a good enough reason to stay alive
I have 3 more episodes left to watch. The stray dog that I feed will go hungry. I am the only person in my friend group who can sew buttons back on. And my mom would be sad. She would be so, so terribly sad. All of these, and any of these, are good enough reasons to stay alive. Cling hard onto whatever keeps you going. I promise the day will eventually come when you can cite some bullshit platitude about the meaning of life, just like the rest of us.
All parts of you die when you die, even the non-sucky ones
The pain of the mind is hard to deal with. It feels infinite because the mind itself is infinite. It is such an unfathomably vast sea of sadness that only cringy poetic metaphors can capture its size. Theoretically, dying solves that infinite problem in a finite time. In fact, dying is an almost perfect solution, except that it doesn’t just kill the sad parts of you, it kills all parts of you. The parts of you that are soft and warm, the parts that are intelligent, empathetic, ambitious, strong; the parts that your friends and family want to hug, the parts that your cat likes to rub against, the trillions of mitochondria huffing and puffing away to keep you alive. You owe it to those parts to stick around just a little longer.
Your thoughts don’t have to become your actions
I have nonsensical thoughts all the time. What if I ran up to my crush and professed my feelings to them in a grand gesture? What if I dropped this baby onto her head and she goes splat? What if I ran over this piece of shit who turned without indicating? I don't, of course, do any of those things because they have terrible consequences. It is a little more difficult when it comes to being suicidal—your mind has become your very own 24x7 AI chatbot generating new ways to end your life. But the basic principle is the same. Remind yourself that you don’t have to carry out every batshit crazy thought and impulse your brain has.
When you are better (and you will be), pass the baton
If you are an ‘everything happens for a reason’ type of person, this should be easy to do. You can easily look back and tell yourself that your struggles were there for a greater purpose—to teach you the value of your own life, to open your heart up and make it gentler et cetera, et cetera. I personally think all life events are just results of cosmic dice rolls, mental illnesses included, and any life-changing titbits you acquire along the way are just bonuses. Either way, your story holds more value than you think. I had people who reached out to me with genuinely meaningful words, and I do the same now (or at least I think I do). So hold your hand out for another struggling person to grab. Be a cushion for them to rest their tear-streaked face on. Make them dinner on days they can’t get out of bed. Maybe even write an article about the things you learned.
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